Take My Heart
by Fuzzy Ears Fan
Summary: AU When Arthur started his internship at Mercy General Hospital he thought his summer would be all about medicine.  He didn't count on meeting Merlin and having his world turned upside down. SLASH ONESHOT


A/N: Hello everyone! I've been thinking about doing a story like this for a long time, and I finally decided to give it a shot. Just a couple of notes, Hunith is now Helen and Gwaine is now Gabe. Other names have been changed, but only slightly. Also, this is a slight crossover with real life, but I do mean slight. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and feel free to review.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Also, I'm not a doctor so my medical information comes from WebMD. The accurateness of it may be suspect.

/

Arthur smiled as he walked through the doors of the hospital. Nothing could bring him down today.

"Hello. My name is Arthur James and I'm supposed to start my internship today." he said to the nurse behind the counter. She was a pretty blonde in rose scrubs.

"Alright. Dr. Gaius handles all our interns. I'll page him and he'll meet with you in a moment."

Arthur smiled and took a seat in the waiting room. Within ten minutes an older man with gray hair and glasses walked in and looked right at Arthur.

"Arthur?" he asked.

Arthur stood up and extended his hand.

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Arthur James."

"Dr. George Gaius, but you can just call me Gaius. I've heard a lot about you Arthur; top of your class at school and a natural affinity for medicine. I'm expecting good things from you."

Arthur glanced away and willed himself not to blush.

"Thank you, Gaius. I won't let you down."

Gaius nodded and then motioned for Arthur to follow him. They walked down winding hallways and finally came to a lounge. Arthur walked in to find four other people there that were all around his age.

"Arthur, meet your fellow interns. This is Lance Cabrera, Gabe Macken, Leon Young, and Gwen Coulby. Everyone, this is Arthur James. Now, you were selected based upon your excellent applications and recommendations, but I want to make it clear that this internship will not be a walk in the park. You will be here every Monday through Saturday at seven in the morning and report to the nurses' station on the first floor for your assignments. These will be things like shadowing doctors and nurses, observing surgeries, filing charts, and visiting patients. Your day ends whenever I tell you it ends, but mostly that will be around seven in the evening. This experience is supposed to give you a taste of what you're getting into by pursuing a career in medicine. Some days will be better than others, but I hope that by the end you will not have changed your minds about being doctors. Now, follow me and we'll get started."

/

Days at the hospital were as long and challenging as Gaius said they would be. It was all Arthur could do not to fall asleep as soon as he got home each night. Even so, Arthur woke up the next day absolutely thrilled to go back. No two days were the same, and Arthur thrived in the ever-changing environment.

"So, anyone regret doing this?" Gabe asked as he sat down to join his fellow interns for lunch.

"Not at all."

"Nope."

"I'm loving it."

Gabe smirked. He didn't expect to hear anything else.

"Yeah, me neither. I've wanted to be an emergency doc for as long as I can remember."

Lance smiled at him over his bottled water.

"I wanted to do that at first, but I'm all about pediatrics now. Ever since my baby cousin was born two years ago I can't picture myself doing anything else."

Gwen blushed and a soft smile lit up her face.

"That's so cute. I'm leaning toward geriatrics, but I haven't decided yet. What about you, Arthur?" she asked gently bumping his shoulder.

He swallowed a bite of his sandwich before answering, "I haven't a clue. All I know is that I want to be a doctor."

After that, the topic of conversation flowed into hospital gossip and Arthur tuned out. He leaned back and finished his water relishing his twenty minutes of peace. Before he could believe it, it was time to get back to work. This morning he was given a list of patients for him to visit, and he wasn't yet halfway through it.

/

"Have a good evening, Mrs. Pritchett." Arthur said as he gently closed yet another door. He took a quick glance at his watch and sighed. It was 7:18 and he still had one more patient to see. He looked for the room number and headed toward the elevator.

"Arthur!" he heard and turned to see who had called him.

"Gaius, what can I do for you?" he asked.

"You can go home, I've spent almost twenty minutes trying to find you."

"I was with a patient. She got a bit chatty."

Gaius nodded and gave him a pat on the back.

"Well, go on and get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

Arthur shook his head.

"I've only got one more patient to see. I'll go home after I'm done with him."

Gaius raised an eyebrow.

"Which patient?" he asked.

Arthur looked back at his list and replied, "Colin Emrys in room 517."

Gaius gave a goodhearted chuckle.

"He'll ask you to call him Merlin. It's a running joke in the hospital."

Arthur must have looked as confused as he felt because Gaius put an arm over his shoulder and said, "He's been here almost a year; a good lad with a bad heart. Anyway, he's a wizard with numbers. You can give him a list of any amount of numbers, orally mind you, and he can add them, subtract them, multiply them, whatever. It's just like magic. Thing is, he's never once been wrong. And, he does all of it without a calculator. He's amazing."

Arthur nodded. If the kid could actually do what Gaius said, then he must be amazing. Arthur had never heard of someone able to do something like that.

"Well, Merlin it is then. I'll just give him a quick hello and then I'll be gone."

Gaius nodded and pushed the button for the elevator.

"Don't stay too late." he said over his shoulder as he made his way back down the hall.

/

Arthur stepped up to room 517 and grabbed the chart that was in the box on the door.

_Name: Emrys, Colin (Merlin)_

_Birthdate: 01-01-1992_

_Diagnosis: HCM – on transplant list_

"Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy?" Arthur whispered as he put the chart back. He knocked lightly on the door and waited until he was asked to enter. When he stepped inside he had to hold in his gasp. The boy on the bed was all long limbs and pale skin. His short black hair was arranged just so and even from across the room Arthur could make out his blue eyes. He gave Arthur a wide smile and gestured to the chair beside his bed.

"Hello! You must be one of the interns. I've seen the girl, Gwen. She's nice."

Arthur nodded.

"Yeah, she's a sweetheart. I'm Arthur." he said as he extended his hand.

"Merlin."

They shook hands and Arthur took a second to appreciate the feel on Merlin's hand in his own. As he took a seat he took note of the state of the room. It was unlike any of the other rooms in the hospital. There was a gaming system hooked up to the TV with various games scattered around it. Posters of bands and actors covered the walls and a clock that doubled as an Ipod dock was sitting on the bedside table along with a laptop. On the window sill a row of DVDs was arranged. It looked more like a dorm room than a hospital room. Even Merlin himself didn't look the part of patient. He was wearing dark grey sweatpants and a black band t-shirt. On his feet were neon green socks. If it weren't for the wires feeding from under his shirt, the IV in his hand, and the beeping of the heart monitor Arthur could almost forget that this boy was sick.

"I know, I know, it doesn't look like a hospital in here. Everyone gawks for a moment the first time they come in."

Arthur felt a light blush rise to his cheeks.

"Sorry, it's just, I didn't know they let patients do this to the rooms."

Merlin laughed and Arthur smiled at the sound of it.

"They don't usually. It's only because I've been here for almost a year. It took months before I could make it as homey as it is now. I think being sickeningly sweet to the staff helped too."

"I'm sure. I read your chart, I hope you don't mind."

Merlin waved him off.

"Not at all. But if you read it then you know that I'm dying."

Arthur was taken aback by the nonchalant way Merlin said it.

"You're not dying."

Merlin gave him a small smirk.

"You have to say that, but you and I both know that I am. I'm surprised I haven't died already honestly."

"How can you say that?"

Merlin met his gaze and put his hand on Arthur's forearm.

"Because I'm a realist. I've got HCM, which means my heart is getting harder and harder with each passing day. Pretty soon it'll be so hard it won't be able to beat anymore. The only thing that's going to save me is if I can get a new heart, but they don't exactly sell those at the store, now do they?"

Arthur shook his head.

"There are lots of treatments available for HCM."

Merlin nodded.

"I know, and they've tried them all. Nothing helped. I need a new heart."

Arthur didn't know what to say. What _could_ he say?

"Well, there's always a chance that you'll get one. I saw that you were on the transplant list."

"Yep. Can't say I hold out much hope though. But it's not like I'm sad or anything. I can't change it so there's no use crying about it. Trust me, my mom does enough of that for the both of us. Not that she wants me to know that of course."

Arthur shook his head.

"I'm sure she worries about you. It's because she loves you."

"I know. She also doesn't want to lose me. I've all she's got in this world. That's the only part I feel bad about. If I die then I'll leave her all alone. But, what about your family? Tell me about them."

Arthur smiled.

"My family is complicated."

Merlin smirked.

"I think I can keep up."

"Alright. My mom and dad were married when they were eighteen. My mom got pregnant with me two years later. Right after I was born she was diagnosed with cancer and was gone before I turned one. My dad kind of threw himself into his work after that, and I was raised by nannies. Meanwhile, my dad's best friend and his wife were having problems. She turned to my dad and they ended up sleeping together, and after that she served her husband with divorce papers. They got divorced and then she found out that she was pregnant. She didn't tell her ex-husband that the kid was my dad's, so when she died in a car accident Morgan went to who everyone thought was her father. He raised her for ten years, all the while never knowing that she wasn't his. My dad knew though, so when his best friend died from liver failure he took in Morgan and told her everything. Morgan's never really forgiven the three of them, but she's my half-sister and we kind of love each other. So, that's my family."

Merlin sat staring at Arthur for a few minutes. Arthur could literally see the wheels in his head turning as he tried to make sense of what Arthur just told him. Finally, he shook his head and smiled.

"You were right, that was complicated. How old is your half-sister?"

"She's your age; two years younger than me."

Merlin nodded.

"So, you're going to start your senior year this fall?"

Arthur nodded and a wistful look came over Merlin's face.

"I had a full ride to Yale, but obviously I didn't go. Two weeks after graduation I passed out at work and was rushed to the hospital. Many tests and x-rays later I was diagnosed with HCM. At first they just gave me medicine and restricted my diet, but a week later I passed out again and that time I stopped breathing. After more tests they determined that my heart was bad enough that I should be hospitalized. A month later and they had tried everything they could think of, but nothing worked. I was put on the transplant list and here we are."

"Here we are." Arthur whispered. They sat in silence for a moment, and then Merlin yawned. Arthur could take a hint.

"Well, I think I'm going to go and let you rest."

Merlin nodded.

"Thanks for stopping by."

Arthur grasped his shoulder for a second and then turned toward the door. He had his hand on the handle when he turned back around.

"Would you mind if I came back tomorrow?"

Merlin smiled and shook his head.

"Then I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow, Arthur."

He shut the door and made his way toward the elevator. He didn't know what made him ask Merlin if he could come back, but he wasn't sorry that he had. There was something about Merlin that intrigued him, and he wanted to find out what it was.

/

The next morning Arthur grabbed Gwen before they all went off to start their jobs.

"You've seen Merlin, right?"

Gwen smiled.

"Yeah. He's sweet. A bit morbid, but sweet. I saw him last week. Why?"

"No reason. I just saw him yesterday and I'm not quite sure what to make of him."

"I know what you mean. He's a character for sure. I kind of like him though. He's refreshing."

Arthur nodded. He couldn't argue that point. He let Gwen go and headed to the operating room where he was going to be observing three surgeries. He knew that it was going to be a long day, but he still had every intention of visiting Merlin later.

/

It was just past seven when Arthur knocked on Merlin's door.

"Enter at your own risk!" Merlin called.

Arthur walked in and saw that Merlin was playing a video game. He watched as Merlin battled an alien and smiled when he gave a shout of victory a few moments later. Merlin paused the game and turned his smile to Arthur.

"You actually came?"

Arthur sat down and said, "Of course. I said I would didn't I?"

"I didn't think you actually would though."

"Well then I'm happy to prove you wrong." Arthur said through a smirk. Merlin returned the smirk and gestured to the extra controller.

"Wanna play?"

Arthur took the controller and said, "I warn you, I've been trained to kill since birth."

Merlin gasped dramatically.

"And you're going to be a doctor? I don't think I'd trust you to care for me."

Arthur gently shoved him.

"I'd take good care of you; the best care you've ever received."

Merlin gave him a look he could decipher but then just shook his head. He restarted the game so that they could both play and they didn't talk again until they'd beaten the level.

"You're not bad." Merlin said as he saved their game under "wizard and king."

"Neither are you."

Merlin snickered.

"Well, when you have as much free time as I do it'd be a shame if I wasn't."

Arthur nodded and Merlin reached out and touched the side of his neck. He pulled at the chain he found there and pulled a ring out from under Arthur's scrubs.

"What's this?" he asked.

Arthur was struck with how close Merlin was and began to blush.

"It's my ring. I usually wear it on my left forefinger, but they told us we couldn't wear jewelry here so I put it on the chain when I work."

Merlin ran his thumb over the silver band and then looked up into Arthur's eyes.

"What are the triangles for?"

"Umm, they symbolize bi pride. The pink stands for attraction to the same sex, the blue for attraction to the opposite sex, and the purple is for attraction to both."

Merlin let out a breath and asked, "You're bi?"

Arthur could only nod. He was frozen in Merlin's gaze. Neither of them moved for a long minute and then Merlin released the ring and sat back.

"Is that a problem?" Arthur asked.

Merlin shook his head.

"No. I'd be kind of a hypocrite if I had a problem with your sexuality."

"What?"

Merlin crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm not into labels, but I can appreciate beauty wherever it presents itself. It doesn't matter to me either way. Love is love the way I see it."

Arthur smiled as he tucked the ring back into his shirt.

"So, do you see something of beauty right now?" he asked cockily.

Merlin glared at him, but he couldn't stop the flush that spread across he cheeks.

"Even if I did, it wouldn't matter." he finally whispered.

Arthur stood up.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Merlin."

He made his way to the door and Merlin didn't try and stop him. Just before he walked out Merlin called his name.

"Will you come back?" he asked.

Arthur nodded.

"Tomorrow."

The door fell closed.

/

Two weeks passed and Arthur maintained his routine of finishing his day and then visiting Merlin. They would talk and laugh with each other until Arthur was forced to leave because of his own exhaustion or Merlin's. Arthur knew that he was getting much too attached to the other boy, but he couldn't help himself. Merlin was the most interesting person he'd ever met. That was the main reason why after Arthur's worst day yet he found himself almost running toward the familiar room. He opened the door without knocking and came up short when he saw a small brunette woman sitting in his usual chair and gripping Merlin's hand.

"Oh, um, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's alright, Arthur. Mom, this is Arthur."

The woman stood up and Arthur could instantly see the resemblance. He extended his hand and she shook it.

"It's lovely to meet you, Arthur. Merlin has told me so much about you."

"I've heard a lot about you as well, Mrs. Emrys."

She smiled at him and said, "Call me Helen, please."

He nodded and then took a step back. He wasn't going to intrude on Merlin's time with his mother. However, before he could take another step Merlin called his name. That was all it took for his resolve to break. His lip started to tremble and he felt his eyes begin to sting.

"Mom, do you think that maybe…"

Helen leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"I was going to leave soon anyway. I'll leave you two alone and come back tomorrow morning, yeah?"

Merlin gave her a grateful smile and she turned to Arthur.

"I hope to see you again soon."

Arthur could only nod as she slipped past him. As soon as he heard the door click shut he fell into his chair and the dam broke. Tears poured down his cheeks and his back shook with the force of his sobs. He heard Merlin shifting in bed and suddenly he found himself pulled into a hug. Without any hesitation Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin and clutched his shirt. Merlin had one hand on his back and the other was soothingly stroking his hair. Arthur wasn't sure how long they stayed this way, but at last he felt himself calm down. When he released Merlin he saw that there was a large wet spot on the front of his shirt.

"Sorry about your shirt." he mumbled.

"Don't be. You want to tell me what happened?"

Arthur was silent for another minute while he tried to get his breathing under control and then he said, "I had to watch a kid die today. I was shadowing in the ER and the kid came in just before I finished. She'd been riding her bike when a car swerved and hit her. Apparently the driver had been trying to avoid hitting a dog and hadn't seen the little girl until it was too late. They did all they could for her, but there was too much internal damage. She died three feet in front of me."

Merlin leaned forward and cupped Arthur's face. He brushed his thumbs under Arthur's eyes to wipe away some remaining tears and Arthur was struck by how intimate the gesture was.

"It wasn't your fault, and you yourself said that they did everything they could for her."

"I know but she was only six!"

Merlin sighed and said, "You can't save everyone, Arthur. You know that."

Arthur nodded. He did know that, but it didn't make it any easier.

"Yeah, but she's the first person I've actually watched die."

"I know. I wish I could tell you that it'll get easier, but you and I both know it won't. I guess in time you'll just learn how to distance yourself more so that it won't be this hard."

"Maybe." Arthur whispered.

They were both silent for a few minutes and then Merlin sat back and reached for his DVDs. He grabbed a comedy and waved it in front of Arthur.

"Think this will make you feel better?" he asked.

Arthur smirked and replied, "It couldn't hurt."

He took the disc and put it in the player. When he turned back around he saw that Merlin had scooted to the edge of his bed. He raised an eyebrow and saw a light blush rise in Merlin's cheeks.

"If we're going to watch a movie I figured you might want to sit somewhere more comfortable than that chair."

Arthur knew that he shouldn't. Merlin was a patient, but then again, Arthur wasn't a doctor yet. He shrugged his shoulders as if to say, "To Hell with it," and joined Merlin on the bed. Merlin started the movie and Arthur stretched out. If he noticed how nicely Merlin fit into his side, he didn't say anything.

/

Time seemed to fly after that. Before Arthur thought it was possible, three months had passed and his internship was over. Gaius had him and his fellow interns together in the same lounge where they'd met and was giving them some final words.

"Each of you has shown yourselves to be exemplary doctors-in-training. If I'm still on staff here when you all graduate from medical school then I'd love to count you as my colleagues."

He gave them all a final pat on the back and wished them well for their upcoming semester. He walked away and they all followed him down the hall. When they got to the elevators, Arthur stopped.

"What are you doing? The exit is this way." Gabe said.

"I know. I'm not leaving just yet."

"You're going to see Merlin, right?" Gwen asked with a smile.

Arthur smirked.

"How'd you guess."

"Because you go and see him everyday. Don't think we haven't noticed. It's actually all over the hospital; the tale of your romance." Lance added.

Arthur laughed.

"Our what?"

Gabe slung an arm over his shoulders.

"Don't deny it. Everyone's seen the look you get whenever someone mentions him. It's obvious."

"And too cute!" Gwen put in.

Arthur just laughed again and moved toward the open elevator.

"Well, thanks for that. I'll see you all around."

They waved at him and he smiled as he pressed the button for the fifth floor. When he arrived he made his way along the familiar corridors and finally into Merlin's room. He was sitting in bed listening to music.

"Hey." Arthur said as he closed the door. Merlin smiled at him and turned the volume down.

"Hey. Today was your last day, right?"

Arthur nodded as he dropped into his chair.

"Yep. I'm a free man, well, for a week at least. Then I've got to go back to school."

Merlin's smile faltered.

"Yeah. Your school, it's in the city, isn't it?"

"Yes. It's across town. Don't worry, I'll still come and see you."

Merlin bit his lower lip and looked nervous.

"What's the matter?" Arthur asked.

Merlin fiddled with his hands for a second and then he looked up and said, "You're not an employee of the hospital anymore."

"Nope."

"You're just an average college kid now."

"Yep."

"Good."

Merlin leaned over and pressed his lips to Arthur's. It was chaste and quick, but it still left Arthur breathless. Merlin leaned back and continued to bite his lip. Arthur looked at him for a moment and then laughed.

"You've been waiting to do that, haven't you?"

Merlin smirked and nodded.

"So've I." Arthur said as he leaned forward and kissed him again. This kiss was a little better. Arthur carded his fingers through Merlin's dark hair and licked his bottom lip. Merlin smiled against Arthur's mouth and tugged him forward. Arthur nearly fell out of his chair, but recovered and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Merlin put one hand on his neck and the other on his hip and held him there. They kissed slowly; there was no rush. Arthur was trying to map out Merlin's mouth and determine what would make him shudder. Eventually, he became aware of something beeping rather quickly. It took him a moment to determine what it was, and when he did he couldn't help but pull back and laugh.

"We better stop before one of the nurses comes running in here thinking you're in distress."

Merlin sighed and spat, "Damn heart monitor!"

Arthur chuckled and kissed his forehead.

"I like it. It lets me know exactly what kind of effect I have on you."

"You're such an ass!"

Arthur smirked.

"Don't lie; you like my ass."

Merlin turned away, but not before Arthur saw how red his face was.

/

The semester started with a vengeance, and Arthur was quickly swamped with work. He tried to see Merlin as much as possible, but he could only manage to visit twice a week. Even so, their relationship grew stronger with every passing day and Arthur couldn't believe how fast he was falling. Merlin wasn't allowed to have a cell phone in the hospital, but Helen had Arthur's number and she relayed messages between them when Arthur couldn't make it across town. It was an odd situation, but it worked and that was all that mattered.

"I'm going to fail this test tomorrow." Arthur said a month and a half into the semester. He was lying next to Merlin and they were watching a movie. Arthur wasn't really paying attention, being more distracted by Merlin's fingers stroking his palm.

"You've never failed anything in your life. Don't worry."

Arthur sighed.

"I can't help it. I don't feel like I've studied enough for it."

Merlin turned to look at him.

"Do you want to go and get some more studying in?"

Arthur met his gaze and shook his head. He'd been noticing recently that Merlin was getting tired more often, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He'd also seen Merlin wince and rub his chest when Merlin didn't think he was looking. Helen had told him that the doctors were keeping a closer eye on him because he seemed to be deteriorating. Arthur didn't want to think about what that meant.

"No. I'm right where I want to be." he whispered as he closed his lips over Merlin's. He felt Merlin smile against his mouth and then kiss him back. Arthur had to resist the urge to push Merlin back into the mattress and show him exactly how right he felt in Merlin's arms. Before the temptation became too great he pulled back. Merlin sighed and leaned his forehead against Arthur's. With him so close Arthur could hear the slight wheezing sound that Merlin made as he tried to catch his breath. He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled Merlin to his chest.

"They're going to kick you out soon. It's almost eleven." Merlin said into his neck.

"I know, but I just want to stay a little longer." Arthur whispered.

"So do I." Merlin breathed.

/

The day before Arthur's break started he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the ID on the screen. When he saw who it was he immediately grabbed his things and fled the lecture hall.

"Helen?" he asked as soon as he was in the hall.

"_Arthur, Arthur you need to come to the hospital." _

"Why? What happened?"

"_It's Merlin. His heart is failing."_

Arthur could barely make out what she was saying through her sobs, but her message was loud and clear. Merlin was dying.

"I'm on my way." he said into the phone. He fell against the wall and tried not to hyperventilate. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Suddenly he took off running. He didn't stop running until he threw himself into a taxi.

"Mercy General, and step on it!" he told the cab driver. Fifteen minutes later he was sprinting through the hospital doors. He ran past the elevators and took the stairs. By the time he was on the fifth floor he was out of breath, but he couldn't stop yet. He flew down the corridors and stopped short when he saw Helen collapsed outside Merlin's room. She was sobbing with her head on her folded knees and a nurse was squatting next to her rubbing her back. No. No. No!

"Helen?" he asked as he knelt next to her. Her head shot up and then she was in his arms. He held her close and tried to ignore the way his heart was pounding and how his eyes stung. He watched as the nurse gave them an apologetic look and then walked away.

"Helen?" Arthur asked again with more urgency. She pulled away from him and wiped her eyes.

"What happened?"

She shook her head and said, "Merlin was eating lunch when he fainted. He looked like he was going to come to, but then his heart started going crazy. He stopped breathing and then his heart stopped. They had to shock him five times before it would start again. They did some tests and they say that his heart is starting to completely fail. If he doesn't get a new heart in the next few days then there's nothing they can do for him."

Arthur fought down the bile that rose in his throat at her words. He squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears in, but knew it was a losing battle when he asked, "Is he awake?"

Helen nodded.

"He asked for you as soon as he understood what happened."

Arthur helped Helen stand and when she gestured at the door he went inside. A new wave of nausea went through him when he saw Merlin. He was topless and there were marks on his chest from where he'd been shocked. The ever-present heart monitor leads were there, but there was now an IV in each hand and tubes in his nose feeding him oxygen. The circles under his eyes were darker, and he just _looked_ like he was at Death's door.

"They had to cut my shirt off. It sucked 'cause it was one of my favorites." he said with a smirk. Arthur gently sat down in his chair and shook his head.

"That's not funny."

"I know, but it's either laugh or cry, and I don't want to cry."

"Well I don't want to laugh!" Arthur yelled. He was shaking and Merlin gently grasped his hand.

"Arthur, I told you the very first time we met that I was dying." he whispered.

Arthur wrenched his hand back and shot out of the chair. He started to pace as he bit out, "No! Stop talking like that! You're not going to die!"

Merlin just looked at him. He finally let out a mirthless laugh and threw his hands in the air.

"You can't stop it, Arthur! No one can, so it's no use lying to yourself. I. Am. Dying. You need to accept that."

Arthur whirled around and pointed a finger at Merlin.

"I will _not_ accept it. I can't. Dammit, Merlin, I can't even _think_ about you dying. How can you sit there and say it like it's the easiest thing in the world?"

"Because I've known it for over a year! I have no choice_ but_ to accept it! And you know, I did. I was totally okay with it. I'd accepted it and had stopped hoping that I was going to be saved, and then I met you. I met you and suddenly I started to think about what it would be like if I survived. I started thinking about us, and what we could do if I ever got out of here. For the first time in my life I actually had something to live for, something that made life _worth_ living. I let myself forget I was doomed, and now that it's been shoved back in my face it hurts a thousand times worse than it did before. I don't want to have to say goodbye to you. I don't want to think that every time you walk out that door that it could be the last time I ever see you. It makes me so angry, and it's not fair, and there's nothing I can do about it!"

He was crying, and Arthur could feel his own tears making their way down his cheeks. Merlin was right, there wasn't anything either of them could do to stop what was happening. As he walked back toward the bed he prayed for a miracle. He'd never been one for praying, but he did now. As he fell to his knees at Merlin's bedside he prayed with every fiber of his being that Merlin would be saved; that he wouldn't have to lose this boy that meant everything to him. He pressed Merlin's hands to his chest and said, "Take my heart. It belongs to you anyway."

Merlin choked back a sob and said, "I love you too."

/

Helen and Arthur never left Merlin's side. They took shifts sleeping and getting food so that one of them was always with him. Merlin told them they were being ridiculous, but he never tried to make them leave. Over the next three days his heart continued to get worse and he started having trouble breathing. They finally put a breathing tube in to make it easier for him. He was slowly wasting away, and it was the hardest thing that Arthur had ever had to watch. He often found himself staring at Helen and wondering how she was keeping it together. She hadn't cried since that first day and always had a smile to flash the numerous doctors and nurses that came and went at all hours of the day. She laughed lightly when her son made a funny face and gently brushed his hair out of his eyes and kissed his cheek. Arthur marveled at her strength. On the morning of the fourth day Arthur woke up from a light sleep with a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. He looked at Merlin and just knew that today was going to be his last day. Helen must have felt it too because she was shaking and had Merlin's hand in a white-knuckled grip. Arthur walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her waist.

"A mother should never have to watch her child die." she whispered without taking her eyes off Merlin's sleeping face. His chest was barely rising and falling with his shallow breaths and his heart was only just beating. As if he could feel their gazes, Merlin's eyes fluttered open. He looked over to them both and Arthur's heart lurched when he saw that Merlin's eyes were beginning to dim. The fingers on his other hand flexed and Arthur immediately walked around the bed to clutch them in his own. With the breathing tube in Merlin couldn't speak, but he was being loud and clear. He knew that this was the end. A tear fell from his eye and Arthur gently wiped it away. He was just about to say something when the door burst open.

"A heart just came in!" a nurse cried. Helen and jumped up and began to talk with the nurse, but Arthur kept his gaze on Merlin. His breath caught as he watched light seep back into Merlin's blue eyes.

"…prepping the OR right now. We've got to move him now." Arthur heard the nurse say and then he saw a team of medical personnel flood into the room. They began to prepare Merlin for transport and Arthur laughed.

He leaned down, kissed Merlin's forehead and said, "Looks like I'll be seeing you tomorrow after all."

Helen kissed Merlin's cheek and told him that she'd be there when he woke up. Before they could say anything else Merlin was on his way to the operating room. When the room was empty Helen threw herself into Arthur's arms and he twirled her around. Arthur sent a silent thanks towards Heaven and then walked arm in arm with Helen to the waiting room.

/

Hours later Merlin was moved to an intensive care recovery room. According to the surgeon the operation had been a total success and just in the nick of time. They weren't out of danger yet, but everything was looking good. News of Merlin's transplant swept through the hospital like wildfire. Everyone knew and loved him, so it was no surprise to Arthur when he caught more than one of the staff crying in relief. He and Helen had done enough crying, so all they could do was smile and laugh. When they were allowed to go see Merlin Arthur held Helen's hand. They sat at his bedside and reveled in every strong beep of the heart monitor.

/

Arthur was coming back with two coffees when he heard Merlin's voice. It was raspy and weak, but it was definitely Merlin's voice. He also heard Helen, so he changed course so that they could have a few minutes alone. He took a seat on a bench down the corridor and smiled. The fact that Merlin was alive right now was nothing short of a miracle, and he didn't think he'd ever stop being grateful for it. He had just taken a sip of his coffee when Helen walked out of Merlin's room. She smiled when she saw him and walked over.

"He's asking for you." she said as she took a seat.

"How's he doing?" Arthur asked.

Helen smiled wider.

"Good. He's complaining about the incision pain, but he's fine. They took the breathing tube out when he woke up, and he was glad about that."

"I bet he was. Well, I'll only be a moment."

"Take your time."

He walked back down the hall and into Merlin's room. The boy was propped up and smiled when he saw Arthur.

"Hey." he whispered.

Arthur walked over and kissed him lightly.

"Hey yourself. How're you feeling?"

Merlin shrugged.

"Alive."

Arthur laughed.

"Well good. I'd prefer if you stayed that way."

Merlin smirked.

"You're not the only one. It was a close call though."

Arthur took his hand and laced their fingers together.

"Yes. It was."

Merlin sighed.

"I was scared; terrified. I felt like I was slipping backwards down a hill and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't find anything to hold onto to stop myself. It started to get dark, and I couldn't hear or feel anything. Then, everything stopped. For a second it felt like I was floating and then I felt myself being pulled up again. I felt you and my mom gripping my hands, and I heard the doctors talking about doing the pre-op on the way. I heard you laugh, and that's when I knew I was going to be okay."

Arthur stroked his thumb over Merlin's wrist and nodded.

"Your eyes started to dim. Then, after the nurse told us about the new heart light flooded back into them. I literally watched as you faded and then came back. I don't ever want to see it again."

Merlin squeezed his hand.

"You won't have to. I've got a new heart; a good heart. I have to take a ton of pills for the rest of my life and not over-do it, but I'm going to be alright."

Arthur smiled and kissed him again.

"You better be." he breathed.

/

Merlin improved at an amazing rate. His body showed no signs of rejecting his new heart and he got stronger with every day that passed. Within a week he was allowed to leave the hospital. He had quite the gathering when he was finally wheeled out the main doors. He'd have to come back for regular check-ups of course, but he was going to spend a night in his own bed for the first time in over a year. Arthur rode with him and helped Helen get him situated. When he was settled she left to run some errands and Arthur stretched out next to Merlin.

"So, this is where you live."

Merlin laughed.

"Yep. A major improvement to the hospital."

"Well, it certainly smells better."

He leaned over and kissed Merlin hard. Merlin kissed him back and ran his hands through Arthur's hair. When he pulled back he smiled.

"I'd forgotten what silence sounded like." he whispered and Arthur realized that this was the first time in a long time that Merlin had been in silence. He smirked and kissed Merlin again.

"I'd much rather hear you moan." he said against Merlin's mouth. He felt more than heard Merlin's sharp intake of air.

"My mom will be back soon and I'm not sure it's wise to get my new heart racing so soon."

Arthur sighed and flopped back onto the bed. Merlin had a point.

"Fine. As soon as you're fully recovered though, I'm having my way with you."

Merlin laced their fingers together and brought their hands to his lips.

"Trust me, no one is more eager for you to have your way with me than I am."

/

Arthur went back to school and got back into his old routine. Merlin continued to recover and soon enough he was up and about all the time. His doctor told him to start doing some light exercising, so he picked up swimming. Sometimes Arthur would join him at the pool and they'd do more splashing than swimming. Merlin even applied to Arthur's school. He got accepted and was due to start in the fall.

"You know, you're going to make me sound like a total prick." Arthur said one night. Helen was out and he and Merlin were sprawled on Merlin's bed listening to music.

"What?" Merlin asked giving him a confused look.

"I'm graduating in May and starting medical school in the fall. You're going to be a college freshman. I'm going to sound like a cradle-robber."

Merlin laughed.

"Oh shove it! I'm only two years younger than you."

"I know, but still."

"So, what, you don't want to be with me?"

Arthur looked aghast. He launched himself at Merlin and kissed him thoroughly.

"Oh, I very much want to _be_ with you." he said as he pushed his hips into Merlin's leg. Merlin smiled and pushed Arthur onto his back.

He climbed over him so that he was straddling Arthur's hips and said, "Then be with me."

Arthur ran his hands down Merlin's sides and asked, "Really?"

Merlin reached down and pulled his shirt over his head.

"Oh yes."

Arthur traced the vertical scar that ran down the center of Merlin's chest and his eyes widened when Merlin shuddered above him. Merlin leaned down and attached his lips to Arthur's neck while his hands skimmed under Arthur's shirt. He drew it over Arthur's head and then moved so that he could lay chest to chest with him.

"I want to feel you." he whispered into Arthur's ear and all the air in Arthur's lungs rushed out. Merlin's hand moved down to Arthur's pants and began to undo them. That was Arthur's cue to move. He skimmed his hands up Merlin's back and kissed his collarbone. When Merlin had his pants undone Arthur slowly flipped them over so that he was on top. He burned a trail of kisses down Merlin's chest and then pressed another one to his heart.

"I love you." he said into Merlin's skin, as if he was branding him with his affection. He removed the rest of their clothes slowly. When they finally pressed together without any barriers he smiled at the shiver that rocked through Merlin. They moved slowly. There was no rush, and Arthur wanted this to last as long as possible. He swallowed the gasp that escaped Merlin when the first of Arthur's fingers breached him. Merlin held him close when Arthur slid into him and he listened as one enchanted to his name falling from Merlin's lips over and over. They moved together with a slow grace. Arthur felt warmth seep into every cell in his body when Merlin took his hand and placed it over his racing heart. He could feel every beat, sure and strong, and he kissed Merlin deeply before he could embarrass himself by crying in the middle of the greatest sex he'd ever had. It was over soon after that, and they fell to the bed tangled together.

/

"So, how does it feel to finally be a college kid?" Arthur asked Merlin months later. Merlin dropped his bag by the door of their apartment and slipped off his shoes.

"Great! It's a little weird to be the oldest person in all my classes though."

Arthur kissed him and then said, "You're not older than the professors, surely."

Merlin gave him a light smack to the back of his head.

"Stop trying to be witty, it doesn't work for you."

Arthur gave him a wounded look.

"Who knew you could be so abusive?"

Merlin stepped away from him and made his way to the kitchen. Arthur watched as he grabbed a bottle of water and drank half of it in one go.

"I'm sure my day wasn't as exciting as yours was. How's med school?"

Arthur shrugged.

"They tried to scare us with horror stories about how we're never going to get any sleep and how we should just say goodbye to our social lives now. You know, the usual."

Merlin smiled.

"You'll be fine. You were born to be a doctor."

Arthur pulled him into his arms and kissed his forehead.

"Well, I'll have to make it work somehow. Lord knows I'm going to have to make good money since you'll be making almost nothing as a mathematician. Someone's got to support us."

Merlin smirked.

"Who says I'm going to stay with you?"

Arthur gave him a soft look.

"I'm not letting you go. I almost lost you once, I'm not going through that again."

Merlin gave him a light kiss.

"Then I guess it's a good thing that I have no intention of going anywhere."

Arthur pulled him closer and asked, "What about the bedroom? Do you have any objections to going there?"

Merlin smiled.

"Nope. No objections whatsoever."

"Good, because I think I'd like to take you there and not let you leave for a long time." Arthur growled. Merlin was only to happy to oblige him.


End file.
